So this is what falling apart feels like.
My seams are ripped anew
but there’s no blood left to run from these wounds I’m…done.
I hid it and kept the stitches so tight but tonight
my long white grip on control is failing like I do
and I miss you.
Words I can’t bear to have my heart think but
she’s screaming at me now so I remind myself
to hate you.
I look at the frayed threads
The hollow limbs
The shell that’s put away its soul because she hurts too much
And the thought of being proven right isn’t enough to give me quiet.
I have to hate you
Or I’ll really begin to feel nothing
And she’ll die when she doesn’t deserve to.
Don’t mistake it for blue flamed rage because it isn’t.
I hate with what little is left – there aren’t enough embers to detest
The hatter that shouldn’t have covet
Or the wolf that came as a rabbit promising adventure if I’d only follow:
“Quick little Alice”, quick to the gallows
I wish I had lost my head…instead of all the rest.
I wish I, and my tired soul, could forget.